We had not even unpacked our bags when a picnic blanket arrived at our hotel door with a bottle of champagne.

Candy, my baby sister, had flown in from Sydney for a week of just the two of us, and we were staying at ​Hotel Nikko ​ in San Francisco. Their Director of Commercial Strategy, Jason Ngo, a leader I love and admire, had heard we were planning to watch the 4th of July fireworks from a nearby park. Without a word to either of us, he sent up a blanket so we would have somewhere comfortable to sit. Nobody asked him to do that. He generously paid attention and acted on it.

That one gesture set the tone for the whole week. I chose Hotel Nikko because I had stayed there as the keynote speaker for an ALHI event, and remembered exactly how the fabulous, attentive team made me feel. This time was even better! Benjamin the bellhop welcomed us with a big smile every day. Luis at the Imperial Lounge greeted us each morning energetically with the kind of warmth that made the start of the day feel magical keeping us up to date with World Cup scores and breakfast choices.

As the big sister and eldest daughter, you can imagine that I had planned every detail of the week months in advance. A private morning among the redwoods at Muir Woods, still enough to watch chipmunks play while I sat and meditated in the middle of the trail. A seaplane ride over the city and out along the Golden Gate Bridge. A spa day at Cavallo Point, where hummingbirds flew so close I thought they might land on me if I stayed still enough. One afternoon we even tried a self-driving car and Candy could not stop laughing every time the wheel turned on its own.

Something surprised me, even with every detail planned so Candy could simply show up and enjoy herself, I noticed I was still the one making a hundred small decisions a day. Which route to walk, where to eat, how to sequence the day so the seaplane, the spa and the sunset all lined up beautifully. I love creating experiences for people and I am energized by getting the details right. But by day three I realized that even on vacation, I was still fully switched on, still the one holding it all together…and it made me think about something I see constantly in the leaders I coach.

How are you showing up?

Right now, so many of the executives and business owners I work with are leading through real change. New structures, new targets, new uncertainty about what next year or even next quarter, looks like. And what I’m hearing from their teams is not a request for more perks or more polish, it is a genuine hunger for clarity. People want to know where they are headed and they want to feel confident that the person leading them actually knows too. In moments of change, direction becomes the most luxurious thing a leader can offer.

We pour so much energy into creating exceptional experiences for the people around us, our teams, our clients, our sisters, and rarely stop to ask what experience those same people have of us. Are we the leader who is calm and clear, or the leader who is quietly managing everything behind the scenes while trying to look calm and clear?

Those are two very different experiences for a team to live inside, especially when the ground is shifting under them.

A few things from my trip translate directly into coaching leaders through change:

Notice before you are asked. Jason connected a detail he overheard to an action he could take, and that instinct, watching closely enough to act before someone has to ask, builds trust on a team navigating uncertainty.

Give people the destination before you hand them the itinerary. Purpose comes first, logistics follow. Teams living through change do not need every detail solved. They need to know clearly where you are taking them and why.

Ask what experience your people have of you, not only of the plan you built for them. Clarity is not just information. It is tone, presence and consistency.

Watch for decision fatigue, both theirs and yours. Every small choice a person absorbs on someone else’s behalf adds up. Build in moments where someone else gets to decide, and build in moments where you get to hand the reins over too.

And remember that exhaustion and success are not the same as sustainable. Something can look flawless to everyone watching and still be quietly costing the person who built it.

If you want to lead your team through change with real clarity, you have to protect your own experience along the way, not just theirs.

A leader running on empty cannot offer the kind of steady direction people are craving right now.

I have no regrets about a single detail of this trip and I would not trade the time with my sister for anything. It did remind me that leadership, like a beautifully planned vacation, works best when the person who built it also gets to enjoy it.

Can you relate?