Portugal was lovely. A vacation with lots of walking (20K+ steps a day … uphill), soo much eating (fresh seafood everywhere, all the time), and daily pastel de natas (those sneaky little custard tarts that are warm with flaky pastry and ridiculous). Exploring a new country is a wonderful way to spend time with friends who are family. We had our share of genuinely luxurious moments, a Michelin dinner, a private wine tasting, a slow afternoon on the river, and an unscheduled day to just wander.

Just between you and me, I never fully disconnected. Not because I couldn’t (I have the best team), but because I was unnecessarily checking email and social media (even when nothing required it because every client knew I was on vacation), and even though I tell every clients NOT to do that, here I was breaking my own rule

Why do we do that in the U.S.? Why do we work on vacation?

I hear clients say, “I will just dial in on vacation.” Nope! Or I hear, “I just feel better if I can spend some time each morning before my family wakes up on vacation to make sure everything is OK.” Nope! I don’t have this issue with my European clients—when they are on vacation, they protect that time. My trip to Portugal was a much-needed reminder to disconnect, truly. I’m heading out on vacation starting tomorrow and I am stupid excited for it!

Real luxury wasn’t one single vacation experience, it was the time itself when I did disconnect—no Zoom calls, no deadlines, and no meetings. People who understand and appreciate luxury realize that luxury is about experiences, not things (and, as you know, our proprietary research study proves that).

Is Confidence a Luxury, A Skill, or a Choice?

Somewhere between the slow Douro river cruise and the private wine tasting I started wondering why I felt so confident traveling and meeting new people and comfortable in foreign situations, and what it actually looks like when that same confidence shows up in client conversations back home.

Do you think we are born with confidence? Nope.

Do you think everyone has confidence? I don’t think so.

Do you think you can develop confidence? 1000% yes!

Confidence is something I don’t think twice about when I travel. New language, new cities, new tastes, new streets, a table full of strangers, I love it all! I walk into every space and conversation assuming I belong! The same is true of how I walk into client boardrooms or ballrooms, assuming I belong and wondering how I can serve that group of people.

I am the oldest of five kids in a blended family, and I think that shapes you. I was the one who volunteered for the Sunday school reading, offered to present to leadership when nobody else wanted to, I was always the self-appointed welcome committee for new students at school, I am the first person on the dance floor at any event, and I will help any stranger on the street because I know someone has to walk across the room first or extend a helping hand first—it only takes one person.

To this day I enter every space assuming everyone in it wants to play with me, and that one assumption has carried me further than almost anything else I have learned.

Confidence is contagious. But so is doubt.

I am fearless about almost everything in life—animals, heights, speed, challenges. I love designing and leading projects, I adore meeting new people, and trying new food. Trips to new locations? (Almost) always a yes.

The one true exception to my fearlessness is tiny closed spaces, likely a souvenir from the first few years of my life spent in hospital and body cast, and it amuses me that I can be fearless in every direction except one, especially since I am 4 ft 10 .. and a half! (That half matters, ask anyone.)

So imagine my initial reaction when the Douro Valley winemaker offered me a once in a lifetime opportunity to climb INSIDE a wine barrel! I saw the tiny hole to climb in and my heart started racing, my breathing increased, and I thought immediately about my pesky little fear (claustrophobia). I thought of the story of Achilles, dipped in the River Styx as an infant to make him invincible, his mother holding him by one heel as she did it, which left that single spot untouched and vulnerable. While he went on to become the most fearless warrior in Greek mythology, he was forever vulnerable in that one small spot.

That’s the funny thing about confidence. It may be contagious, but so is doubt. Doubt just spreads quieter, and mine wavers in exactly one place. Which one would win today?

Instead of politely declining, I thought “confidence is contagious” and so I did it! I climbed right in there! I was SO proud of myself! And you know what? It wasn’t scary, and I could stand up inside AND they’d installed a light in there too! Easy peasy!

Confidence won the day, and I experienced a once-in-a lifetime opportunity.

Confidence In A Client Conversation

So what does contagious confidence actually look like in a client conversation, beyond simply deciding to walk in like you belong?

A few ideas to consider implementing to make it real rather than performed:

Know your three things. Early in my career, a formidable boss named Barbara gave me the advice that I have referred to a gazillion times. She said “Tell me what you are good at, don’t blink, and don’t look away.” Wait what? Yep, she believed in articulating with confidence what you were good at. That clarity has worked in every job interview, every promotion conversation, and especially in the first few minutes with a new client who is quietly deciding whether to trust you. If someone asked you what you are good at, could you confidently answer them?

Believe in the idea before asking anyone else to. Conviction is contagious. A client can feel the difference between an idea being presented and an idea being defended, and they will only lean in for the second one.Can you confidently communicate your ideas?

Watch your language, especially the small words and your self-talk. I am always listening for how often “I” and “me” show up in my conversations versus “you” and “we” and “us”, because the shift to more inclusive language is one of the simplest ways to make a client (or team member) feel like a partner in the conversation rather than an audience for it. Can you confidently remove language that focuses on you and elevate your language to be more inclusive?

Sotheby’s agents confidently walk into a listing appointment speaking to the seller’s goals rather than their own credentials, and that is already halfway to earning that room’s trust and confidence.

Virtuoso Travel advisors confidently present stunningly designed travel itinerary options to clients knowing what their business partners can deliver and how to create memories for them and their families because they are confident in their knowledge, partnerships and client relationships.

Personal stylists confidently curate a dressing room of all the perfect pieces for their individual clients knowing the lifestyle, budget, preferences, and comfort level of their client to produce an elevated shopping experience.

Let your team feel your confidence first. It always finds its way to the client eventually. An Ameriprise advisor who can communicate certainty to their own team in a volatile market is really just passing the feeling forward.